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Mr. Steady
God is as steady as an eternal rock, caring, providing , and faithful, like a priest— like Jesus Christ. He created many men in that image. We will call him Mr. Steady—“in the middle, not given to extremes.” the Steady Man does not make snap decisions or spend his last dime on a new idea, and he doesn’t try to tell other people what to do. He avoids controversy. He doesn’t invent the light bulb like Mr. Visionary, but he will be the one to build the factory and manage the assembly line that produces the light bulb and the airplane. He does not jump to the front of the plane to take a razor knife away from a terrorist, unless he is encouraged to do so by Mr. Command. He would never lead a revolution against the government or the church. He will quietly ignore hypocrisy in others. He will selflessly fight the wars that Mr. Visionary starts and Mr. Command leads. He builds the oil tankers, farms the soil, and quietly raises his family. As a general rule, he will be faithful till the day he dies in the same bed he has slept in for the last 40 or 50 years. Older women who are divorced and have learned by their mistakes know the value of peace and safety, and they will long for a nice steady man of his stature, but such a man is rarely available—unless his foolish wife has left him. This man is content with the wife of his youth.
Joys and Tribulations
Being married to a Steady Man has its rewards and its trials. On the good side, your
husband never puts undue pressure on you to perform miracles. He doesn’t expect you
to be his servant. You do not spend your days putting out emotional fires, because
he doesn’t create tension in the family. You rarely feel hurried, pushed, pressured,
or forced. The women married to Visionary Men look at you in wonder that your husband
seems so balanced and stable. The wife of Command Man marvels at the free time you
seem to have. If your dad happened to be a Steady Man, then chances are you will
appreciate your husband’s down-
Your husband’s gentleness is not a weakness; it is his strength.
Your husband’s hesitation is not indecision; it is cautious wisdom.
When you are married to a man who is steady and cautious , and you have a bit of
the impatient romantic in you, you may not see his worth and readily honor him. You
may be discontent because he is slow and cautious to take authority or make quick
decisions. A bossy woman sees her husband’s lack of hasty judgment and calls her
Steady husband “wishy-
Some women equate their husband’s wise caution and lack of open passion as being unspiritual. His lack of spontaneity and open boldness may look like indifference to spiritual things. However, he is like deep, deep water. The very depth makes the movement almost imperceptible, but it is, nevertheless, very strong.
He will be confused with your unhappiness and try to serve you more, which may further
diminish your respect for his masculinity. Disappointment and unthankfulness can
make you wearier than any amount of duties. The trials he seems to cause you are
really your discontented responses to what you consider to be his shortcomings. If
you didn’t attempt to change him into something other than what God created him to
be, he would not cause you any grief. His very steadiness keeps him on his middle-
When a woman is married to a bossy, dominant man, people marvel that she is willing to serve him without complaint, so she comes out looking like a wonderful woman of great patience and sacrifice. A woman married to the impulsive Visionary Man, who puts the family through hardships, will stir amazement in everyone. “How can she tolerate his weird ideas with such peace and joy?” She comes out being a real saint, maybe even a martyr. But if you are married to a wonderful, kind, loving, serving man, and you are just a little bit selfish, then you are likely to end up looking like an unthankful shrew. He helps you, adores you, protects you, and is careful to provide for you, and you are still not satisfied. Shame on you!
Let him be the one God made him to be: a still, quiet,
thoughtful presence – for you!
The Foot Washer
Yesterday, I used a water hose to wash the inside of the church outhouse. For you city girls, an outhouse is a small hut sitting over a hole in the ground, with a wooden floor, and a seat with a hole in it. Before indoor plumbing, this was a typical toilet. The outhouse usually sat about 50 feet from the house. As you can imagine, outhouses stink. As I squirted water over the walls and potty, I was wishing Chuck was around. If there is a dirty job, a tiresome job , a job which most people will try to avoid, a job where there is no glory to be found, you can be sure that Chuck will be there, quietly taking responsibility.
Our friend Chuck is a “foot-
Jesus was a foot-
Many women think of their pastor as a mighty man of God, or their song leader as
a spirit-
“Even as the Son of man came not to be ministered unto, but to minister, and to give his life a ransom for many” (Matthew 20: 28).
“And there was also a strife among them, which of them should be accounted the greatest.
And he said unto them, The kings of the Gentiles exercise lordship over them; and
they that exercise authority upon them are called benefactors. But ye shall not be
so: but he that is greatest among you, let him be as the younger; and he that is
chief, as he that doth serve. For whether is greater, he that sitteth at meat, or
he that serveth? is not he that sitteth at meat? But I am among you as he that serveth”
(Luke 22: 24-
Know Your Man
Wives are very much flesh and blood, and as young women, we don’t come to marriage with all the skills needed to make it start out good, let alone perfect. When you come to know your man for whom God created him to be, you will stop trying to change him into what you think he should be. The key is to know your man. If he is Mr. Steady, you need to learn to be thankful and to honor him as the one created for you in the image of God.
God’s Word says in Hebrews 13: 8, “Jesus Christ the same yesterday, and to day, and for ever.” A man who is created steady brings peace and safety to a woman’s soul. Your husband’s gentleness is not a weakness; it is his strength. Your husband’s hesitation is not indecision; it is cautious wisdom. Your husband’s lack of deep spiritual conversation is not a lack of caring; it is simply the cap on a mountain of intense emotions. If he ever speaks of how he does feel, he will most likely become teary.
He wants to please you. “Counsel in the heart of man is like deep water; but a man [a wife also] of understanding will draw it out” (Proverbs 20: 5). You will not need to learn how to make an appeal to him, because your husband is all too willing to hear you.
If this describes your man, you need to learn how to stand still and listen; then let God move your husband in his own good time. Ask God for wisdom and patience. Seek to always have a gentle spirit. Look up “shamefacedness” in the Bible, and learn what it means. Pray for your husband to have wisdom. Stop expecting him to perform for you, to pray with the family, to speak out in witnessing , or to take a bold stand at church.
Stop trying to stir him up to anger toward the children in order to get him to feel
as though he understands how badly you are being treated . Let him be the one God
made him to be: a still, quiet, thoughtful presence – for you! Command and Visionary
Men understand and appreciate him, and they, too, lean on this type of man for stability.
Learn to seek your husband’s advice on what to do, and then give him time to answer,
even if it means days or weeks. Show respect by asking him in what areas he would
like you to do some decision-
Many of these “nice” men prefer their wives to show some initiative. A Command Man tells you what to do and how to serve him, and a Visionary Man wants you to do what he is doing. A Steady Man likes a woman to walk beside him, yet grow in her own right before God and him.
If you are married to a Mr. Steady, you need to get familiar with Proverbs 31 to
know how to be an active help meet to your man (see page 222). Your husband will
enjoy and share your triumphs in business . He will be proud of your accomplishments.
He will want you to use your natural skills , abilities, and drives. Your achievements
will be an honor to him, but lazy slothfulness will greatly discourage him. Your
wasting of time and spending money foolishly will weigh heavily on him, robbing him
of his pride and pleasure in you. He needs a resourceful, hardworking woman with
dignity and honor. It is important to Mr. Steady that his wife be self-
You must learn how to pay bills, make appointments, and entertain guests with a competence that brings him satisfaction. Your hobbies should be creative and useful, involving your children so that all of you are busy and productive every day. Your home should be clean and orderly so that his friends and business contacts will be impressed and at ease. Your skills and achievements are your husband’s résumé. If you are wise and competent, then he must be even more so, the onlooker will think . At the end of the day, Mr. Steady will enjoy weighing what he has accomplished with what you have accomplished and will rejoice in the value of having a worthy partner in the grace of life.
These men can be some of the most important men in the church, because their steadfastness
is sure, and their loyalty is strong. They make wise, well-
Typically, Steady Men do not become as well known as Command or Visionary Men. They
are not odd or stand-
The vast majority of my letters are from women criticizing their laid-
Most of this book has been written to help young wives learn to honor, obey, and appreciate the Steady Man just as he is. If a wife dishonors her steady husband and takes control, he will most likely stay with her; they probably will not divorce. But her dishonor will cause him to lack the confidence to further his business opportunities. He will become satisfied with the mediocre, because it involves no risk. He will know that he pulls the plow alone, that he has no helper. Yet, if that same man had married a thankful, creative woman who delighted in him and thought he was the smartest, wisest, most important fellow around, then he would have risen to the occasion in every area of his life. Many women believe Mr. Steady is mediocre and lacks strength and authority, when in actuality, Mr. Steady is a manly, steady fellow that lacks a good wife.
* Mr. Steady may take the trash out and always keep the area clean, yet his wife will be prone to take his goodness for granted.
* He will be in quiet contemplation much of the time. It will drive his wife crazy, because she will long for him to share his deepest feelings and thoughts with her so she can “feel” loved. He cannot. He might even cry during times of stress or intimacy. He is very, very slow to come to trust and open up to the woman he loves, because he does not understand her. He will enjoy the company of others and be most comfortable spending time in small talk with whoever is around. Of the three types, he is the one who will be most liked by everyone.
* Mr. Steady is always in demand. People everywhere need him to fix a car, build a house, set up their computer, figure out what’s wrong with their phone, heal them of cancer, and the list goes on and on. You begin to wonder if you will ever have him all to yourself. The answer is, no. He belongs to people. When it is time or past time for some special time alone, take a vacation, and leave the cell phone at home.
* The Steady Man is wonderful with those who are hurt, sick, or dying. He loves to comfort and seems to know what a person needs in times of great sorrow. His still, quiet presence brings peace. To the Command Man, this is nothing short of a miracle. A Steady Man thrust into a Command Man’s position or job will be stressed and, in the end, unsuccessful. He is not meant to lead, but to support.
* He does not focus on the eternal picture, nor is he looking through a microscope, but he does respect both views as important. His vision is as a man seeing life just as it is. He can shift his sights to the sky and know there is more up there than he can see, and he wonders about it. Or, he can stare into a muddy pond and appreciate that there is a whole world in there that he knows nothing about. In most of life, he is a bridge between the other two types of men. He is a very necessary expression of God’s image.
The wife of Mr. Steady can ruin her marriage by failing to appreciate, wait on, and be thankful for her husband’s pleasant qualities.
The wife of Mr. Steady can heal her marriage by joyfully realizing what a friend, lover, and companion she has been given and living that gratitude verbally and actively. When she stops trying to change him, he will grow. She can, then, willingly take up tasks that will fill her time and give her husband joy and satisfaction when he sees her productiveness.